Okay so the last 24 hours of my eccentric, chaotic life have been an absolute shit show. I can’t even recall half of it, but the hours that I do recall make me want to crawl into a bear’s den to be devoured. I’m not exaggerating. If you have ever had a migraine you know exactly what I mean. And if you haven’t felt exactly this, then it is not a migraine that you are experiencing. God, that it one of my biggest pet peeves. People are always saying “I have a migraine” as they chuckle and keep walking at a regular pace. Trust me, if you have a migraine even talking will hurt your head and make you pray that you’ll see the light right then and there.
I have an inkling that the explosive feeling in my brain came on as a side effect of the new ADHD meds. My body is having some trouble adjusting. I wasn’t really thinking when my parents offered me a glass of wine because drinking one never affects me negatively when in combination with my other medications. About 45 minutes after sipping my glass dry, my vision started to haze over and the next thing I remember was walking to the living room to flop onto the couch. Within 30 seconds I was out.
At 10 p.m. my “work out” alarm went off (which I never fail to click ignore on) and I got up to go shower and go back to sleep in my real bed. I don’t remember showering, or getting into bed or anything in between. Scary. Next thing I know: I’m in the bathroom feeling like I’m going to vomit but not knowing why. Out of nowhere the excruciating pain shot against all sides and spaces of my head. I cried. I kept trying to call for my mom but I was torn about the idea of seeming like a weak 20 year old who can’t even take care of herself. I just want to be independent. I gave in. I crawled to my parents’ door and they immediately jumped up when they knew that the sound of my voice was the voice of agony.
For the next few hours I was back and forth between the toilet and my bed. Nothing helped to ease the pain; however I was surprised at how empathetic my mom was and her comfort was something to be appreciative of. She knows this same pain and has lived with it for the majority of her life. I can’t even imagine. Every time I have a migraine I want to die. Not in a suicidal, depressed type of way. I know the difference because I’ve felt both. Twice when I’ve been in this much misery, I’ve asked for someone to just kill me. I kid you not, I have hallucinated while having a migraine. Don’t believe me? Ask my roommates from my freshman year of college. I’m pretty positive they’re still scarred from what they witnessed.
Point being, migraines are the definition of hell and there is no one I would ever wish that kind of pain upon. Maybe there is one person, but that’s a story for another day. People say that the worst pain ever felt is during childbirth, and if that’s true, bring on the epidural (or two) because anything worse than a migraine calls for the strongest drugs to exist.
It’s been over 24 hours since the onset of my excruciating ride through hell and I’m finally at ease. My mom calls the day after a migraine “the hangover.” The name describes it perfectly but it sure as hell beats the real thing.